I'm Sorry
by wherenonecanfindme
Summary: One letter can have the power to tear you apart. One-shot. Warning: Character Death


_**New**** York: 2020**_

It's been such a long day. By long, you mean the longest. The studio was in  
chaos all day due to the showcase you're going to be hosting in a few days which  
makes the end of today so rewarding. Slowly, you make the climb up the steps to  
your fifth floor apartment. The walk really_ is_ exhausting but hey, gotta stay  
in shape.  
As you reach your destination you drag the keys out of your sweatpants pocket  
and fling the door open. You drop your large bag to the floor with a thud and  
make an even bigger thud with your body as you flop down on the couch. It sucks  
you into its cushions and you welcome the feeling. You hear the shower running  
from the bathroom and take comfort in not being alone right now. Aside from the  
chaos of work, you've felt something off all day. All week actually. It started  
as a little twinge in your chest, getting a little stronger every time you sat  
down and let yourself feel it. It's fear, you think. You just have this feeling  
in your gut and you can't shake it.  
Footsteps from behind you bring you out of your thoughts. "Hey babe," you hear.  
A soft kiss on your head quickly follows.

"Hey," you say in return, appreciating the affection but for some reason it  
seems to be making you feel worse.

"Rough day?"

"The roughest."

"You uh...you got a letter. In the mail."

"Oh?" You perk up at this because you've always enjoyed getting mail except for  
junk mail and especially bills. You make your way over to the kitchen counter  
and see the letter lying there. Plain white envelope, plain old stamp, and no  
return address which makes your already there frown deepen. The handwriting on the front is  
unknown to you and you feel the ache in your chest grow but you can't really  
tell why. Slowly, you slide your finger under the flap, opening the envelope.  
Inside is a two folded pieces of paper and a small leather bag, about the size  
of a pack of gum. As you unfold the letter you swear the blood drains from your  
body. Your heart does a flip and just about falls out of your chest. You know  
_this_ handwriting. You'll never forget it. Tears begin welling in your eyes from seven years of emotions  
that have been sitting dormant inside you, but you won't cry. Not yet, so you start reading.

* * *

**_I'm not very good at this. I never have been really, but you know that. I'm so _**  
**_sorry for this and I'm sure you know already but if not I'm even more sorry. I  
_****_disappeared right? Off the map. Gone. And I'm sorry again for that. After high school _****_nothing seemed right. College didn't seem right.  
_****_We didn't seem right. And I'm sorry for that too. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry I couldn't always be as sure as you.  
It took me tons and tons of thinking but I joined the military. I know, it seems so crazy. I can't believe it either really.  
_****_But I was _****_so lost...you know?  
The military is stable. It's good for me. Or it was...until _****_now. The one thing I feared is happening.  
I'm being deployed...and I'm so _****_fucking scared.  
I've never been this scared in my life and I'm sorry for telling _**  
**_you that. I'm sorry I wish you were here right now and I'm sorry I'm probably _**  
**_ruining your happiness. I'm so glad you're happy. Really, I am. I've only ever  
_****_wanted you to be happy. You know that right? But still, I'm sorry it's not with me.  
I'm sorry we didn't get_****_everything we wanted. And I'm sorry this letter is so long but I have so much to_**  
**_say even though there is no possible way to express everything on paper.  
If you're reading this...I won't be coming home.  
I've served my country and I've done my job. Be proud of me.  
Easier said than done, but celebrate my life, not mourn it.  
Dance for me. Sing for me.  
I'm sorry I say it _****_like it's so simple and I'm sorry if your world is crashing down around you at _**  
**_those words and I'm happy if it's not.  
I hate when you hurt, especially because of me and this is no exception. I'm sorry I can't make your pain go away. I'm sorry I haven't for the past seven years. I'm so sorry I can't come back to you. _**  
**_Even though you aren't mine anymore, I'll always be yours. I'm sorry I never _**  
**_gave you what's in that black bag. And I'm sorry for apologizing so much. But _**  
**_mostly, I'm sorry I still love you. It's not fair, I know. But I do. I love you _****_so much it hurts and I'll never stop. I've always loved you. You know that? And _****_I'm sorry I was so stupid. I know we never really use that word but I was. I was _**  
**_stupid not to fight...not to win you.  
I was stupid to give up. And I'm so sorry. _**  
**_I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry I'll never get the chance to tell you. My biggest _**  
**_fear isn't dying in this war. It's not blowing up in battle.  
It's leaving you. _**  
**_And I'm sorry again. But I love you and I never want you to forget it. _**  
**_Please...I know it's selfish of me to ask but please. Don't forget me. And remember you're _**  
**_beautiful if you don't hear it enough. Everything. Your hair. You eyes. Your _**  
**_skin. You hands, your whole body. Your mind. It's beautiful. I'm sorry I didn't _****_tell you every day. _**  
**_God, I love you. _**  
**_I'm sick from writing this. And I'm sorry if it's an asshole move. No one _**  
**_deserves a letter like this. But I love you. I wish I could see you. Now, later, _**  
**_when you're old and wrinkly. When we would have been old and wrinkly together. _**  
**_Still, I know you'll age beautifully. There's nothing you don't do beautifully. _**  
**_I wish I could have seen our wedding. Or our kids. Or our first house. Or our _**  
**_highschool reunion. I have a lot of wishes actually. I wish I could see you one _**  
**_more time. I wish I could have taken you to that pizza place in New York, the _**  
**_one we saw during Nationals. I wish I could have gotten you back. I wish we had _**  
**_time to do all the things we wanted to. And I'm sorry we can't. I can't tell you _**  
**_enough. I'm sorry and I love you. I'm sorry if you're crying right now. I'm _**  
**_sorry if you hate me for this. But I love you still. There's no real way to end _**  
**_this, but know I'm thankful for having you in my life. You're the best thing _**  
**_that ever happened to me and I know now what they mean when they say don't die _**  
**_with regrets. So don't. Do everything you want to and it sounds cliché, but live _**  
**_your life to the fullest. Remember, I love you.  
I'll love you til the end of _**  
**_time and then-some, Santana Lopez.  
Forever._**

**_ Love Always, _**

**_ Brittany S. Pierce._**

* * *

The words stop abruptly, or at least in your mind. Tears freely falling down  
your cheeks blurring your vision and she was right. Your whole world is crashing  
down around you. You follow a tear to the counter where you notice the little  
black bag sitting there.. You slowly open the bag and a bright diamond glistens  
from inside. You pull out a diamond ring. It's simple, and silver and beautiful  
and it shines in the light from your window. You feel eyes on your back as you  
begin to sob but you don't care. Inside the ring is an engraving.

**_Always in my heart, your Britt-Britt._**

You slide it onto your finger and that twinge in your chest turns to a pain  
you've never felt before and your chest racks with sobs so uncontrollable you  
shake. You feel hands, that now feel so intruding, on your hips and the unwanted  
touch sends you to the ground. You clutch the letter to your chest.  
You're sorry she never asked you.  
You're sorry she'll never get to hear you say yes.  
You're sorry you love her so much your heart is bursting.  
You're sorry she'll never know.


End file.
